$CRAAPL — live from an orchard theatre
Introducing the Dip.
Our thinnest quarter ever.
DIP LEVEL: 0 · TOTAL: −0.00%
each press guaranteed −7.67%. the only guarantee in finance.
the only address
ONE APPLE. ONE ADDRESS.
0x438f8045be6540349a3def0c6415a8949e490780
“One address, printed on this page in very thin font. Everything else is a knock-off from a different orchard. We never DM first — that would be innovative.”
product film — on loop
Shot on location, on the way down.
Sentiment tape — parody
live telemetry — sentiment, not price
DIAGNOSTIC PARODYsystem report
Specs.
Every number reviewed by analysts. Twice.
| Innovation | see previous year |
|---|---|
| Guidance | lowered |
| Memory | sold separately |
| Farewell tour | in progress |
| Dip | industry-leading · −0.00% |
onboarding
How to buy.
Three steps. Fewer than our product lines.
-
Get an Ethereum wallet
Any self-custody wallet on Ethereum. Fund it with ETH. This is the last stable thing you will do today.
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Open Pons
Go to ponsfamily.com/launchpad. Paste the one address above — the one in very thin font. Accept no fruit from other orchards.
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Swap ETH for $CRAAPL
Congratulations. You bought the dip. The dip may keep dipping — that is the product.